How to Help A Friend or Loved One Coping With Depression

One of the best tools any one person has in coping with mental illness is the support of other people.

Roughly 17 million American Adults, over 7% of the adult population, experienced a major depressive episode in the past year. Depression rates are even higher among adolescents, alarming so during and after covid.

This means that tens of millions of Americans, parents, spouses, siblings, friends, now find themselves in the role of depression caregiver. I know because I am a part of that 7% that suffers from major depression, along with chronic pain and all that fun stuff! My sweet husband and two sons had never had any training in how to support a loved one dealing with depression.

Complicating matters is the fact that depression's symptoms can vary widely from person to person. There are very few things that can be said from a compassionate, well-meaning friend or loved one that would be truly unhelpful or counterproductive. The most common errors are not saying anything. To pretend it is not happening is one of the worst things you can do. Talking about depression or asking questions does not make it worse. Even in cases of potential suicide, broaching the subject can be helpful. It can be a relief.

Depression is so often fueled by measurable chemical imbalances in the brain. Saying to a depressed person, "just snap out of it" or "you have so much to be thankful for" are canned responses that suggest a person can just quickly shake off their mood or adopt a a different attitude. These woefully misunderstand the disorder.

Do not minimize the problem!

When our eldest son was born, I had severe post partum depression. Friends and family, meaning well, would say look at that perfect little baby, you have so much to be thankful for!" I already felt so guilty and ashamed, this just led to more depression. That was my first time to visit a psychiatrist, and I felt so embarrassed! How silly!